Honesty

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how I might be perceived by others, and the mindset that comes with just being a human. I think we all have certain aspects of ourselves that we're overly aware of. Right now, for me, it's that I'm physically a much different person than I was the last time I was in these surroundings. When I was at my before weight, I more or less knew what I was to people, as I had always been that. I feel it wouldn't be wrong to say that I was a personality that others' enjoyed to be around, but where I think my personality is much the same, it would be a lie to tell myself and everyone else that what you look like isn't also a big part of how you're perceived. Before, I was the chubby girl, and there's definitely a stigma that comes with that. However, now...now I don't really know what I am. I still feel like that chubby girl, but I don't think that people necessarily put that stigma on me anymore. Or maybe they do? I mean, I am 5'3".

To my left, the only opinion that actually matters <3

I know it's silly to try and wonder what others might think, and most people would probably tell me not to worry about it, since it doesn't matter what other people think. Where I do agree that what other people think of me is not important, I would be lying if I said I didn't still wonder. I would be lying if I said it didn't at all matter to me. And I don't know if that's part of just being human, or from living my life feeling judged by everyone I meet. In hindsight, I can see that most of that judgement was likely just paranoia, but I also know that it was in my head for a reason. The judgement had been there before, and it had impacted me.

So right now, my biggest question is: what will the new impact be? I do feel much more confident about my physical self, and I do feel much less embarrassed about what a stranger might think of me...I'm just really unclear as to what that is, and that's new to me. Mostly, I think I'm excited for the newness to wear off. I'm excited for Jamie, Light and Jamie Greer to be one; to be old news. And I hope that doesn't sound ungrateful or like I'm fishing for compliments, because I really couldn't be more thankful for this journey, and boy oh boy have I gotten a lot of compliments! This is just me, letting you meet me where I'm at. It seems like the most rational thing for me to write about today.

Do you guys feel you ask yourselves the same questions? Do you know what other's think, wonder what other's think, or really truly don't give a crap?